Nochemala, extended edition

All right … last post wasn’t very specific in terms of anything. So, here goes my explanation for why Nochebuena –the Spanish term for Christmas Eve, which translates to English as good night– turned out to be a Nochemala (bad night).

I hadn’t been feeling so well the day before, but I didn’t think too much of it. I thought that it was still the result of something I ate a few days earlier, and that it would go away before the time of the big dinner.

Too bad I thought wrong.

The 24th wasn’t well-met, as I woke up with pain in my stomach and a tightness in my throat. A tightness that will usually get worse to the point where I must throw up, and that is just what I did. It was a lot. I’m not completely sure, but I think that all of dinner, including a slice of cold pizza that my brother brought later that night.

I told my mother what I’d just done, and she offered to take me to the emergency room. I said no, because every time I go see a doctor they say something different. Gastritis, gastroenteritis, stomach ulcers, throat infection … and the problem goes away on its own, regardless of all the different medication I’ve been given for the different things that are supposed to be the cause of the problem. I complained that I was tired of feeling like this, of feeling like throwing up, especially when I had to go out. Such is the life of your author and, this year, the spike in health issues decided to overlap with the holidays.

As it was early in the morning, I was sent back to bed. I went back and sat on the bed. My mother walked in and I complained some more. At one point, she told me to be “thankful to God” that my problems weren’t worse than they were, and I replied by telling her, one more time, that I am an atheist. She said “What? Are you hearing this?” and my sister walked out from her room saying that she already knew. I had told her earlier in the month (I had previously told her that I was simply not religious). Just like last time I’d told my mother about my atheism, she said “You have to believe in something!”, and my answer was that I believed in people. Maybe not true, but I couldn’t leave it like that.

Anyway, while I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, I was proven wrong again. I woke up sometime in the afternoon. I had not been able to digest anything since lunch from the day before, so I was treated with something light: soda crackers and cheese. For some reason, every bite felt … not right.

I was given fluids all throughout the day, mainly tea and Gatorade. Night came closer, and I already knew that dinner was out of the question for me. My stomach still hurt and the tightness in my throat remained.

Night came, and some time before the guests –my brother-in-law and my brother’s girlfriend– arrived, I was feeling as terrible as I did in the morning. Out went some of the fluids I’d taken and part of the light lunch. I tried to cover up the retching noise by leaving the sink faucet open, but my sister managed to hear it and told my mother.

At this point, I decided to stay in bed for the rest of the day, even though I had dressed up to be there with the guests.

As I lay on the bed, with me going back and forth between having my head between two pillows or just wrapped in one, I could hear the sound of the two guests arriving and some neighbors passing by to give greetings. Every now and then, my mother would check up on me and then go back out to see how dinner was doing.

I felt terrible. I hoped that I’d be able to close my eyes and that would be the end of it all. The feeling got worse when I heard the call for dinner, and much worse when I heard everyone gathering in the living room to open the presents –it’s customary to do that right after dinner here–. Every time I heard my mother saying to x person from x person as she handed out the presents, I knew that I had completely missed out on what was supposed to be a great day. One day where the family could be together and have a good time, and we’d all say “Awww!” with each present given out.

The guests left shortly afterwards, without me even bothering to greet them. My mother brought in the presents I got, which consisted in clothing and some care products. Not too shabby, but I wasn’t feeling well enough to say anything positive or negative about them at the time (and right now I don’t remember them all).

So, Christmas Eve sucked. For me, at least, as I could hear everyone else having a blast.

For now, reader, Christmas Eve of 2008 remains as the last good one I’ve had, and will be my last good one of the decade. Read that post if you wish to see a happier side of me and to see some photos of how this year didn’t turn out.

Happy holidays. Of fail.

November dusk

Seems like yesterday that this year began … no, it seems like New Year’s Rockin’ Eve was plenty of yesterdays ago, to the point where I cannot remember it unless I look through the blog archives (meaning that this blog does serve its purpose).

As I have not provided any life update whatsoever since … since the month began, this should be it.

My mother has been out of the country for a couple of weeks now, leaving us to figure things out on our own, for some part. Leoni, our housekeeper-friend, is here on weekdays after noon to do laundry, clean up a bit and prepare lunch for the next day (yes, we’re basically reheating), while the rest of the day and on weekends we need to watch ourselves and try to not destroy the place.

I haven’t received any news from college. After the 26th, I hope that they’ll publish a list of accepted monograph applicants, as well as the pay date, so that I can finally rest easy instead of thinking of the possibility that I might miss the date and have to wait for another four months. It wouldn’t be the worst thing to make this vacation a longer one, but I just can’t wait to be done with college and formal education altogether. It’s like a ball and chain that’s been growing every year for the past nineteen, and I’m waiting to break free of it and … start thinking of what comes next.

I envy those who have their lives figured out, those who have seen the chances they were waiting for and taken full advantage of them. I’m still on the who-the-hell-am-I phase that should probably have ended somewhere near the start of the decade. I still do most things because others want me to, and that includes college (meaning that my family will stop bugging me about it very, very soon!).

On the health front, things seem to be acceptable. They could be better for me –with better being what others call good–, but things could also be much worse. I hope I don’t have an episode of whatever it is I have until the year ends. Well … if I can push that hope a little further, then I hope I don’t feel like dying until after I’m done with college. Once that’s done, I can perhaps look into finding out what the real cause of my lifelong health problems is. In the past, it has always been different things, and there has never been a definitive solution. If it all turns out to just be caused by anxiety/nervousness … there will be little excuse to leave me without proper treatment for any longer. I need to function properly if I’m to survive this … island. I ken lee can’t live forever in an imaginary cage.

Anyway, reader(s), I’m tired. Didn’t rest well enough last night … or the night before that, I think. Should do something about my sleeping habits. The post-graduation era will most likely have me on that dreaded nine-to-five schedule, so going to bed long after midnight should eventually be phased out … but not for now!

Condensation, part three

August again.

The whole college thing ended, at least for the year, and I was home free. I was put in a situation where I had so little to do and so much time.

Yeah, sure. I updated my work for the graphic design class and e-mailed it to the teacher, but that was it. Nothing else to do. Nyet. Nada. Zilch.

I loved it. After much mental exhaustion caused by the constant worries about delivering works on time, and making sure they were perfect, I would get my much-deserved rest … but I didn’t stop worrying right away. I still had to wait for my grades to be published. I slept the weekend away and was met with the pleasant surprise of having aced all three subjects. The last three college subjects that I would ever have to take.

Speaking of surprises, we gave my mother a surprise birthday party on the 18th. The party was at her workplace. She works at a massage place. Not that kind of massage place, but one where blind people do massage therapy, run by a government board for the visually challenged. I had never been to her workplace before, and had little choice but to go, with her being my mother and all.

She was shocked, for sure, when she saw that friends and family quickly gathered and arranged everything while she had gone away on some errand. I have to admit that I don’t know many blind people, and I felt a bit uneasy at first, sitting across an entire row of them as they laughed and joked around with their friends and co-workers. As always, I was in charge of the camera and, again as always, took me a while to gather the confidence to stand up and randomly aim it at things. The distraction keeps my anxiety down.

The party was just a short-lived gathering and people started leaving shortly after having their appetizers (an odd mix of snack foods with some traditional stuff thrown in) and the cake-cutting part. In the end, I was put in charge of … the cake. There I was, at night, on the front seat of my brother-in-law’s car, with half a cake, still on its big tray. I’m a big fan of seatbelts, but this time I would only count on a few layers of dough covered with icing to break the impact in case of sudden stops.

Thankfully (and to the disappointment of those in the back seat), such a thing never happened. At one point, there was a public transport bus stopped next to us while the usual vehicular chaos gave us a chance. My window was rolled down, and I had a big cake on my lap. Paranoid as I am, I thought one of the passengers looking at me would say something, or spit in my general direction. Then, we started moving again.

That was it … and that’s pretty much it for August. Like I said before, I had little to do and far too much time. Most I did for the rest of the month was grab the camera and make a few shots that, to my eyes, are somewhat interesting.

All right. Run along, now. But, before you go, why not look at that SocialVibe thingy on the right? It’s not a fancy ornament, you know.

Nothing day

Well, today was fun. Since I had no morning class, I went to bed rather late last night and slept in until noon. Would’ve been nicer if I hadn’t been awakened by the dogs, who spent the morning barking … at nothing. We had some bad weather today that kept me from going to my 7:00 p.m. class … which hopefully didn’t happen, anyway (it’s three hours!). Not that I like being there, but it was supposed to be the first class, and I don’t like not being in the loop whenever I miss one. So, fingers crossed until next Tuesday.

Last night was the official start of the 7th graphic design class (out of nine … Seven of Nine?), which relates to multimedia stuff. I know little about Flash (which seems to be a requirement here), and next to nothing about creating interactive CDs, so it’ll be a bit of a challenge. Then again, so was packaging design, and I did too well in that, but I better not get cocky about it. This may well be what breaks the string of A-type grades for each graphic design since #3.

I spent the whole day in my bedroom, not watching T.V., but going through web sites (on my brother’s laptop) to save me the trouble later on in the day, all the while listening to the rainfall and the strong wind. The hurricane season is more active than last year, and it’ll likely get worse as the years wear on. Should’ve done some reading instead of all that browsing, with the whole no-class thing and all.

Like I said in the previous post, I’ve got little to write about these days. College hasn’t kicked in already, and the anxiety problem seems to be going away for now. So, until next time. In the meantime, enjoy this slightly-edited photo of my cute dog.

Four more terms

September. About time it got here. College started again without much excitement from my part (as is usual). The fact that only three out of five teachers decided to show up, and that only one of those three gave a class that was more than an hour made the past week not worth it. Not only that, but I haven’t been feeling so well since Wednesday. It might be anxiety that triggers that slew of symptoms every time a college term begins, so I can’t wait to never having to go there again. I’ll have to figure out the whole anxiety thing soon, if that is the cause of all my problems. I feel like having a social life one of these days.

I haven’t done much of anything since Wednesday. I stopped working out, haven’t read as much as I wanted, and I’m eating less, because I feel like throwing up every once in a while (and that’s not a good feeling to have, especially after eating). That’ll go away, as it usually does, but it makes me feel a bit sorry for myself, having to deal with this every once in a while and not being very sociable because of it (except for college, because I kinda have to). Oh, well.

Anyway, on a more positive note, this one that began on Wednesday (the 27th) is the first of the final four terms in college. Hopefully I won’t have to stay there longer than that. Not sure what the future holds for me in the, uh … future, but I’m tired of being in the education system. I’d like to be above it, past it, and making some money while at it. I’m wondering what I might be working at. I like animation, but I’ve never been good at it. I’m good at graphic design, but I honestly don’t see myself doing that for a living. That’s just something I was forced into (no such thing as a degree in animation here, unfortunately).

I have little work to do for the week, and I can sleep the afternoon away on most days of the week. I guess I’ll forget about the eating lots and working out parts until my annoying, little illness goes away. Reading is the only thing on my list that stays for now, as it only requires me being awake, good lighting, and the book (and interest, of course). I’m not sure how I’ll keep up with the other things once I’m on an actual work schedule, as most people I’ve seen (in the chat room) seem too tired to do anything other than rest by the end of their work shift. That will depend on the job and the hours.

On the subject of blogging, I’ve been left with little to talk about since last week. Since I don’t lead a particularly interesting life (read above), I can’t really be talking much about parties, festivals, events, so I’ll just have to see what I see in my short journey to-from college. Maybe something will happen there, too, but I wouldn’t count much on it. Most of the out-of-classroom moments are rather forgettable, and I can only remember a graphic design class being suspended just so some rock band (formed by students) could play … and that was back in ‘06. See what I mean? So, the streets it is.

It’s 2:20 in the morning. Gotta be up at nine or so, so I can get to my 10:00 class early. So, see you read me later!